Wow... just wow. You wouldn't be able to tell from my face, but I had a wonderful time. At what, do you ask? At school for reflection day. It sounds crazy, I know. After all, it's reflection day. And although the one from last year was great because we just sang songs, something about this one truly made it reflective. Even if we thought it was going to be crap and be about self-image.
I was expecting something like year 8, which was just crap. A whole lot of "I love Jesus" and "love yourself because you're beautiful" crap that no one particularly takes to heart. But after one of our teacher read the scripture for the day, we played this hilarious game were we just made a human chain just trying to get each other all linked together. I laughed until I cried, before it was time for a human bingo, before sitting down to watch the first skit. It was hilarious, and then they talked about the meaning behind the drama.
After that, one of the Team members talked about their experiences and stories. This one was about how she loved to dance and her self-worth became determined on a guy she liked and how he saw her. And then he lied to her and betrayed her, therefore resulting in her joining as the manager of the Team and being happy. It was teaching us about how our individuality and uniqueness mattered.
The second part of the day was about worth. To introduce us, they used money. Even if someone crumples it up, spits on it, steps on it, we still want it because it's worth something. We can still use it. It's still money. And it's like that for people. We can be crumpled, stepped on, pushed down, but we're still worth something, no matter what. The second skit sort of reflected that; a guy who had to pretend to be someone he wasn't, because of all the different people around him, expecting him to be someone he wasn't.
That's when the religion kicked in, when he was visited by Jesus. At first he was all 'I'M TOTES FINE YO' and everything, making it seem like he was okay when he wasn't, but then everything began to suck and he came back. But Jesus didn't walk through walls and stuff like he did the first time. He was just all, "If you want me here, you're gonna have to invite me in."
After lunch, was the final drama, and it's what really got to me. It didn't even have dialogue; it was just raw emotion on the stage. There was a girl, created by God. He taught her to walk, and made her food and drink to keep her alive and well. And then she was seduced by Lust, and the promise of being with someone forever - until he left her. And then she was tempted by money, which should've made things better, but it disappeared. And then it was alcohol, that just made her sick. And then it was a pretty girl, telling her that she couldn't be anything like her. Finally, it was a person with a mirror, terrorising her with what the girl had become. A mess.
All that time, the guy playing God, hidden behind the people who had tempted her before, was waving his arms, calling for her, jumping up and down. Doing anything to get her attention.
Eventually she dropped the mirror and tried reaching for God, but these people got really rough, trying to hold her back in the funk that she was in. But God just kept trying to pull her in, and eventually he did. And he even did this symbolic thing that I didn't realise meant he was dying on the Cross until later. The music playing with that made me feel like crying, and I was glad to find out afterwards that I wasn't the only one.
I think, after spending so much time thinking about Faith and what I do and don't believe in, it's strengthened my ideals in the fact God can't help me with everything. He's just there to guide me, and sometimes I push him out because, you know, we live in a world where the presence of God isn't overly important.
It's made me realise that even though I feel like He's not there, He sort of is. He's watching and waiting, and he's allowing me to make my own choices, because I'm supposed to fail. I'm supposed to do crappy things, because that's how I learn. He'll sort of be the voice in my head, like my mum, telling me what's right and what's wrong, with the whole "But oh no pressure" thing going on.
So I prayed. Like, really prayed, and it felt like I opened my eyes to something and now I sound like a preacher, but I'm really not preaching anything.
I just needed to get these feels out into the open. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Because screw people who tell me I need to think a certain way or believe in certain things that they can't even follow to be a 'good' person. Screw people who tell me that I will never be good enough. I think now I've realised I'm a good person. Inside, deep down. I can prove to everyone that I am a good person, but I don't need their opinion, because I don't care about them. I guess, since God made me to be a good person, I just have to stay true what I think makes a good person, and be happy with myself.
And maybe then, God will be truly happy with me.
I was expecting something like year 8, which was just crap. A whole lot of "I love Jesus" and "love yourself because you're beautiful" crap that no one particularly takes to heart. But after one of our teacher read the scripture for the day, we played this hilarious game were we just made a human chain just trying to get each other all linked together. I laughed until I cried, before it was time for a human bingo, before sitting down to watch the first skit. It was hilarious, and then they talked about the meaning behind the drama.
After that, one of the Team members talked about their experiences and stories. This one was about how she loved to dance and her self-worth became determined on a guy she liked and how he saw her. And then he lied to her and betrayed her, therefore resulting in her joining as the manager of the Team and being happy. It was teaching us about how our individuality and uniqueness mattered.
The second part of the day was about worth. To introduce us, they used money. Even if someone crumples it up, spits on it, steps on it, we still want it because it's worth something. We can still use it. It's still money. And it's like that for people. We can be crumpled, stepped on, pushed down, but we're still worth something, no matter what. The second skit sort of reflected that; a guy who had to pretend to be someone he wasn't, because of all the different people around him, expecting him to be someone he wasn't.
That's when the religion kicked in, when he was visited by Jesus. At first he was all 'I'M TOTES FINE YO' and everything, making it seem like he was okay when he wasn't, but then everything began to suck and he came back. But Jesus didn't walk through walls and stuff like he did the first time. He was just all, "If you want me here, you're gonna have to invite me in."
After lunch, was the final drama, and it's what really got to me. It didn't even have dialogue; it was just raw emotion on the stage. There was a girl, created by God. He taught her to walk, and made her food and drink to keep her alive and well. And then she was seduced by Lust, and the promise of being with someone forever - until he left her. And then she was tempted by money, which should've made things better, but it disappeared. And then it was alcohol, that just made her sick. And then it was a pretty girl, telling her that she couldn't be anything like her. Finally, it was a person with a mirror, terrorising her with what the girl had become. A mess.
All that time, the guy playing God, hidden behind the people who had tempted her before, was waving his arms, calling for her, jumping up and down. Doing anything to get her attention.
Eventually she dropped the mirror and tried reaching for God, but these people got really rough, trying to hold her back in the funk that she was in. But God just kept trying to pull her in, and eventually he did. And he even did this symbolic thing that I didn't realise meant he was dying on the Cross until later. The music playing with that made me feel like crying, and I was glad to find out afterwards that I wasn't the only one.
I think, after spending so much time thinking about Faith and what I do and don't believe in, it's strengthened my ideals in the fact God can't help me with everything. He's just there to guide me, and sometimes I push him out because, you know, we live in a world where the presence of God isn't overly important.
It's made me realise that even though I feel like He's not there, He sort of is. He's watching and waiting, and he's allowing me to make my own choices, because I'm supposed to fail. I'm supposed to do crappy things, because that's how I learn. He'll sort of be the voice in my head, like my mum, telling me what's right and what's wrong, with the whole "But oh no pressure" thing going on.
So I prayed. Like, really prayed, and it felt like I opened my eyes to something and now I sound like a preacher, but I'm really not preaching anything.
I just needed to get these feels out into the open. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Because screw people who tell me I need to think a certain way or believe in certain things that they can't even follow to be a 'good' person. Screw people who tell me that I will never be good enough. I think now I've realised I'm a good person. Inside, deep down. I can prove to everyone that I am a good person, but I don't need their opinion, because I don't care about them. I guess, since God made me to be a good person, I just have to stay true what I think makes a good person, and be happy with myself.
And maybe then, God will be truly happy with me.
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